ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
