Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
