Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
