I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i came on her dog
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize