I am puke
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
