garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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