I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
