Taylor Swift is so right about you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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