I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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