No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
