I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize