Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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