I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
