Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
