he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Even the bartender felt bad for me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
