Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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