Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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