He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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