Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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