Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
