Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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