yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
