she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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