Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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