You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
this hospital has no fireball
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
