my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize