You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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