when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
