I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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