your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
