she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
