I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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