What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize