apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
