Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
