Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
