That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
