Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
