Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
