he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
