closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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