Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can't just leave with hair like that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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