You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
