Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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