I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
