i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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