After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
