i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize