How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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