i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize