you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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