I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
