I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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