Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
