UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
