i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
