Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
