Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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