this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
