she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
