Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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