I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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