Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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