I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
